~melting pot of emotions~

nite of 26th jaN




i wanted to immediately blog abt the somethin that happened but on second thoughts i changed my mind cuz i suddenly rem how many ppl will visit the blog n read the entry...askin wat happened n all...i jus cant take it if everyone treats mi super nice because of it..ya..lets jus say i was realli realli crushed n hurt when i found out la...come to tink of it i applaud myself for bein able to control till i went into the tiny cubicle n jus totally lost it...n i jus needed a mere 5 mins to compose myself n voila...nothin shows..apart fr the tell-tale reddenin of eyes..oh ya n bitchin n lamentatin a hell lot...but heyz i tink i feel betta already..


decided to take a break fr sch didnt go for a lec tt i was supposed to...but who cares..its on some lame singapore studies shit..so i did the next thing i could tink of...i went ahead n pampered myself in bid that it will cheer mi up n make mi feel betta..hahha....but i made the move to trim my bangs was a bad one lorz..cuz mayb in my fit of wantin to b un-burden i actually said "jus cut it short la!" thank goodness its not aas short as Brenda's one but it is still relatively short for my standard n i guess i hv to get used to cin it like tt for a while la..

sometimes i wonder to myself "am i askin too much fr others?" "do i sacrifice as much n would i do the same should it b asked for mi.." ...n my ans for the latter would b a definite yes!i dunno...sometimes i lay on my bed tryin to sleep but my eyes will jus spring up...cuz i'm tinkin r we exactly ok??there seems to b a subtle change...n yet i cant seem to pinpoint wat has changed...i'm terrified to voice my fears...cuz i'm so deadly afraid that u will confirm them n thats the end of evrythin..i wont b able to deal with the immense sense of lost..


i seem to hv lost the passion, i jus drag myself out of bed,done on my specs a ratty outfit n pull myself towards sch..makin others laugh with the silly stuff i say n comin back home..wat happened along the way...wat happened to that gal i thought i knew inside out..y the sense of bleakness seems to b so predominant..i myself cant seem to understand y i'm feelin this way..but thats my problem n i jus hv to learn to deal with it..so if i'm not exactly smiley smiley...its not tt i'm pissed off with u la..


~is it that tough?!~

Florence