~the fine line~
nite of 19th JuNe

today actually i didnt plan to blog but since the com was on i couldnt resist the temptation to seek a peek...seriously didnt expect such a quick reply fr u cuz u said that u havent been updatin on anyone's blog...i read ur lastest entry...it finally answered some stuff that was in my mind...i heard ur side of the story n at least i'm glad that i noe wat's goin on for once... u say that u dislike writin in ur blog cuz ppl tend to tink that its related to them...it muz hv been spurred by someone in order for one to even type in that idea that has crossed ur mind rite?!..now that the main reason is ur grandma then i wish her a speedy recovery n for u the strenght to go on ....it muz hv been bad for u in order to comtemplate sucuide ...it didnt noe that things had been that bad for u cuz...u nvr said...n how was i to noe?gosh i'm not a superman i cant read minds when i havent seen them for the last month or talked to them...i feel like i'm the bad guy in fact i tink i am...of cuz its not wrong to care for ur grandma...ya there r so many times that i wan to tell u somethin but i cant cuz i always rem how busy u r with wateva...the times that i was in the pits i realli gotta thank those who were there for mi...nevermind la forget i'm jus a petty n spoiled brat la who doesnt give a damn abt other ppl's feelings la...its all my fault...its life there muz always b the good n bad i guess i'm the embodiment of the latter...i failed in a lot of stuff too..a lousy daughter, lousy sister,hopeless grandchild,n worse a horrid friend yes i noe....its funny jus that day i said abt cryin now its nonstop...the reason for it i'm not sure but i tink these flow of tears would b for my failure n loss...in the process i lost sight of evrythin that holds dear to mi..somethings lost can never b gained back n some wounds made can never b healed..mayb i should hv been more obstinate pushin to the root of the problem so that i will noe wat was goin on in ur life...but the fact was i didnt...seriously last sem i made u the center of my world i gave u all my time n effort..i neglected a lot of my jc pals n close ones jus to hang out with u...its funny...i realli had such big n wonderful plan n dreams for tis hols but sadly it never came thr..mayb thats y some say that the higher u r the greater the fall...i was at the pinnacle in terms of last sem frenship with u..never will it cross my mind that i would b at the chasm between sanity n insanity...mayb tis will b for the better i can finally b the siow one that some of u hv affectionally given mi that nick..hhaa at least i can live up to somethin...ok i tink tis entry will prove sufficient....rest assured tis wont happen again..i tink its best if i keep away fr all so that i will not contiminate or soil any of u...i'll jus keep all to myself. no pt.i never should hv brought tis up.stupid girl always not tinkin of the consequences before i do anythin.ya so silly wat did i expect tink i deserved it anyway .ya ok.thats all ya n hope ur grandma gets better soon.ya
sometimes i realli dun understand myself n i hate myself regardless wateva mask that is presented to anyone.how can i b worthy of trust n friendships when i myself is a great failure..i tink i'll jus stop writin i'm not coherent.minds blank.fingers possessed.eyes hurt.face wet.ok i realli should stop.

~will it b a sheer drop?~
i tink i'll find that out soon....

Florence