actually i hv no clue y these past few days hv been like that...i'm physically drained but mentally more alert i'm damnit tired i wan to sleep.. but i cant..always tinkin n all but i also dunno wat the hell i'm tinkin abt...am i stressed??but i shouldn't b ba sch is not startin soon tis time period should b the best time of my life but yet sadly its not...for some reason i cant exactly explain ...i tried to cry but nothin comes out cuz i heard that one feels better after a gd cry...i tried to laugh but i tink i sound like a manic gigglin over the silliest stuff i tried to b serious but others say y u're so firece or angry...i wan to run with the wind rushin thr my hair runnin so hard i cant stop n breathe i wan to swim so hard that the body cries out i wan to laugh so loud n hard that i've got no more voice!!i wan to sing till the throat tears i wan to shout so loud in hope the heart feels lighter BUT i cant u wonder y ??i will b a nuisance to others, i cant run cuz no stamina, today i swam so hard racin with this guy who had a headstart ...i thought that i can beat him i gave my all but it was not enough i missed jus by seconds ...i hate it i always put in my all for others givin my all but is it even enough or appreciated??i decided i cant give anymore i used up all my reserves n at my lowest with no defences i was attacked..all because my guard was down cuz i place u first n neglected others n wat do i receive in return??"once bitten twice shy"rest assured florence will learn fr her mistakes i wont repeat the same mistake...i need to start defendin myself so that i wont get hurt anymore..its too painful if the wound which is supposedly healed is opened up again..some say that cuttin is a way of release..but i dun tink so.. mayb for that moment when the skin is cut n blood oozes out its jus fascinatin but thats all i didnt feel better...smokin jus chokes the pipe n the quality of air jus deteoriates...cant understand y some choose to smoke such a waste of money n they should jus go to some dome shaped container gather their fellow smokers n light up cig n jus rot there la...hate the stench...i need to find a better way of release...one that i can carry it out myself...but do i realli wan to b the old mi??can i live with it??

~confusion on wat i am~

Florence